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| admist fear and uncertainty, these are the hesitant words that people utter in response to questionable and unforeseeable times.
...that being said, i realize that i have extreme phobia toward failure.
any sort of indicators or signs of failure triggers such immense apprehension and tension within me that i seem to stop whatever im doing as in a state of paralysis to reflect on what it means. am i destined to fail? will i ultimately lie in the path of mediocrity through these series of failutres? all these dreams and fantasies about living large on success is halted by one slight bump in the road.
im glad i went to nyc over the weekend...it gave me another reality check into what kind of things i should be doing in order to achieve and suceed...i start to connect the dots between all these stories and incidents, and its all beginning to make obvious sense :
digital artist greg anderson = passionately driven
outliers by malcolm gladwell = million hours inputed into what you love the most makes you the most skilled and valuable in your field
atlas shrugged by ayn rand = determination and ambition throughout hardship
i need to figure out what i really want to do...
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| Few people are as practical and ambitious as Capricorn. Yours is the tenth sign, an earthy element, which makes you down to earth and matter-of-fact. Caution is your second name and this is due to Saturn, your ruling planet. You are sometimes shy and lack self confidence and self-esteem.
You are ambitious and go for your dreams and usually end up successful. You like money but not if it involves risk. You prefer to know exactly where your dollars and cents are going. You prefer traditional types of savings.
Others do not generally see you as too enthusiastic but when people get to know you, you do have a side to your nature which is humorous and affectionate. You like to work quietly and effectively without creating too much bother or attention to yourself.
You are emotionally cool so you don't warm to people that easily until you get to know them. Once you get closer you start to feel comfortable with them. Suspicion is one of the chief traits of Capricorn and when you meet people for the first time it is your way of displaying maturity by not jumping the gun. You like to understand what another person is really about.
You are a big thinker even though you work methodically and practically by taking your time to achieve what you set out to do. You never like airy, fairy concepts and only work on ideas which will vouch safe your financial and material security in the future. You are not a clock watcher when you work because you believe in doing a job right the first time round. You also hate wasting time. You are frugal, resourceful and hard working. Commitment is natural to you which is why, as I said earlier, you are likely to be successful in anything you attempt.
"Expect the worst but hope for the best" is a saying that many Capricorns repeat. Basically you are very level-headed and don't expect things to happen overnight. People admire the way you work because you are motivated by your ambitions but also like to perfect your work and do it properly. You can always be relied upon to help others and not cut corners.
A traditional life style appeals to you because you like things in their place and need to be in control. Because of this you are not always the most exciting person to be around but you are extremely loyal and will never let anyone down when you give them your word. It does not seem to bother you that others see you as less adventurous. The name of the game to you is living life on your own terms rather than compromising.
Sometimes others make the mistake of thinking you are elitist. They get the sense you are looking down on them but this is not so because you are actually a very generous person with both your money and your time and if the cause is a worthy one there are fewer who are as generous as you.
Due to your cautious and meticulous mind you are a wonderful judge of character and can easily see through the BS. You are aware of the consequences of partnership both commercially and personally and are absolutely committed to your word.
If others get to know you they will understand that you are a very trustworthy, dependent, punctual individual that you can always be counted on to fulfil their needs and help them if the occasion arises.
In money matters you are extremely hard to deal with and are sometimes seen as being overly materialistic. Although you do drive a hard bargain your integrity always steers your course in life.
You have an incredible capacity to withstand the blows of life and even if times get tough your resilience and dedication is second to none. You gain greater strength than others from whatever misfortune occurs. You are like the steel under the blacksmith's hammer, getting stronger with every blow!
Your token is the Goat which shows just how capable you are of reaching the heights of any mountain. Your success is likely to occur later in life but when it does, you share what you have with others. You like measuring your success through what you have.
You expect people to be just as trustworthy as yourself. If you accept a responsibility you do so with full commitment. You always demand the same level of integrity from anyone you deal with both in the work place and at home.
You are sure to scale the heights of success and due to your keen focus, discipline and concentration your ruling planet Saturn insures a great deal of success, power and happiness. Capricorn stands for courage and achievement after a long and tedious effort.
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| brush off your shoulder and start anew to something else
finally took off the heavy load that i meant to do a month ago
i finally said it straight
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| so on monday, after grabbing two hours of sleep from being awake for two days, i walked into my final review with an incomplete final model, lack of diagrams, short of three cross-sectional drawings, and did oddly well during my final review.
it was one of those roller-coaster reviews...the 13 critics hate it, love it, hate it, love it, then really really love it, then all clapped for a good job well done. i was mostly confused...alice took photos of my ever volatile facial expression during the whole review..it was an expression of bewilderment, confusion, apathy, skepticism, and, of course, lethargy.
after 8 hours of review, i checked my email and received a job offer from urbahn architects in nyc...and i start next week. i was relieved and happy to finally have recieved an internship...not only is it an internship, but its a paaaaaid internship! one of those rare paid architectural internship during this economic climate.
im quite happy at this point~
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| from houston to ithaca to rome to nyc then ithaca...then what? go back to houston to work? that's probably the last thing i want to do, but until i jumpstart my career at nyc, i will reconsider houston if an irresistable opportunity passes by.
comparing rome to nyc...nyc is way better all the way. rome was nice to grow more culturally exposed, but not as a place to grow professionally. even though the two experience are incomparable, i feel that i will gain more at the big apple.
im working part-time at a pretty nice firm, weiss/manfredi, and going full time as a cornell student [and part-time at borough manhattan community college]. you can imagine the workload that i recieve every week from work and class....if you count my internship as a class, then that means im takin a 23 credit workload at nyc! yet...i still manage to go out almost every weekend. in fact, i make it my priority. why? bc nyc is [the best] place to establish life-long connections. almost as if its part of my academic agenda.
i've never been surrounded by so much financiers in one place...ynoh how every other major regions have their one specialty? houston: energy, silicon valley: technology, nyc: finance....maybe that's why im taking a finanace course at bmcc. what's the best place to learn than new york city?
the kind of pple i find myself intrigued in hangin out with every weekend are in the business/finance related field. they tell me all the things they do at work everyday and the kind of topic they speak of are incomprensible to me. ive always been speaking archi-speak, but never...trader-speak? they talk as if the things they do are banal and uninteresting, but to me, i find it most fascinating.
what i also find interesting is that most of these financiers are guys. it may be too presumptious for me to assume that the people in finance are mostly guys...but maybe it's bc the pple i hang out with are only guys...that happen to be workin in finance. [why do i have a lot more guys friends than girl friends??]
in order to work in wall street, one must have a type A personality....by definition, type A are "individuals can be described as impatient, excessively time-conscious, insecure about their status, highly competitive, hostile and aggressive, and incapable of relaxation." ah yes, why does this sound so familiar? is this the definition of type A or me? im definitely impatient when it comes down to time constraint...i always question my ability and status...im aggressive and competitive when i really want to stand out...and DEFIN incapable of relaxing. every week i would pull an all-nighter laying down on my bed bc i would be thinkin and stressin too much about the next day. the procedure is all too familiar....
nonetheless, im willing and ready to take advantage of my type A personality and push it to the next level. even though my brain is ready to burn out anytime soon, its better to act now then wait later. how am i going to push it? take advantage of the amazing opportunities that surrounds me and capitalize on it. meet more amazing individuals, learn more aggressively, and stay on top of things.
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